Category: Growth

You Are Already Enough

Posted on by wholeselfnm

 

I am not pretty enough. Black enough. Thin enough. Smart enough. Rich enough. Good enough. Brave enough. Lovable enough. Simply put, who and what I am is not enough.

These are very unkind thoughts I’ve heard others say and sadly, have said to myself in the past. To all of that, I say–

ENOUGH.

You are enough just as you are. You are so enough, right this very moment.

You might scoff and say, “Yeah, right! I need to change <insert desired quality here> and then I’ll be enough.”

This just isn’t true. You don’t have to believe it yet, but I challenge you to work toward this.

How can you do this? You can start by “acting as if”. This term is really popular in the recovery world and I’m a big proponent of it. How about you act as if you are enough, right this very second? What would your life look like? Here are a few steps you can take to act as if you’re enough so that one day you awaken and realize you are:

  1. Stop the negative self-talk. I get how hard this can be. When you notice that you’re beating yourself up, ask, “Is this something I would say to my best friend? Would I tell my five-year-old self this?” When you tell yourself loving things, it starts a magnificent healing process. Practice saying five nice things to yourself in the mirror today. One day you’re going to believe them, too!
  2. Do something that you’ve always wanted to do but felt you couldn’t because you weren’t enough in some way. Go back to school. Ask that yummy person out that you can’t stop thinking about. Train for that half-marathon. Life doesn’t begin ten or 100 pounds from now, when you’re in a different tax bracket, or when you’ve reached some arbitrary milestone. Do what you want today!
  3. Reflect on all you have accomplished. Sure, you may not be where you want to be, but I bet you’re a lot farther than you give yourself credit for. Celebrate how far you’ve come! It’s all about progress, not perfection.

I started my practice with a very specific person in mind: someone who thinks she is not enough, someone who thinks she might be more than she is acknowledging and just needs a little support to manifest her magnificent self. When you start acting as if you’re enough, one day something wonderful will happen–you’ll know you are. I can’t wait to see how your life blossoms once you do.

Three Reasons It’s Okay to Be Cracked

Posted on by wholeselfnm

“Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.”

I have heard this quote quite a few times and attributed to a number of people: Groucho Marx, Spike Milligan. The first time I heard it, I fell in love. So often, we try to act as if nothing is wrong, as if we’ve never been hurt. “Keep a still upper lip” and so on. The truth is, life can hurt sometimes. You can feel hopeless and helpless. I think we’ve all been there at some point. I know I have.

One of my dear friends once told me, when I was going through a particularly painful time, “it’s okay to not be okay”. I don’t know if she realized how much that changed my life. That powerful statement gave me what I’d always needed–permission to hurt, permission to not always act like everything’s okay. It also gave me permission to ask for help. What a gift that five-word sentence was for me. I try to pass it to others myself now.

What can being cracked give you?  A lot of things, honestly. However, I think that there are three top gifts that being cracked can offer:

  1. The chance to be put back together again. Sure, when you’re building yourself back up, there will be some bumps and bruises, a few battle scars. You won’t ever look the same. But how cool is that? Personally, I find scars beautiful. You have been hurt. You have been struck down in some way, but here you are, standing. Wow. You are magnificent.
  2. You have little crevices for light. How else can we accept and absorb goodness if we’re not open, a little vulnerable ourselves? Vulnerability is so hard. It makes me feel “itchy”, like I need to hide and wait until the other person has forgotten how human I am. Being a little cracked can be wonderful. When we’re vulnerable, we ask for and receive help. We have deeper connections. We find greater meanings in our interactions and our lives. Brene Brown has done a lot of great work with vulnerability and I fully agree that to feel connection with others, we must embrace our vulnerability. The nooks and crannies created by being cracked lend opportunities for connection, fulfillment, and growth.
  3. The light you let in can help someone else. Okay, not everyone is a super softie social worker like me, I know. But (bear with me) this world can be made a better place when we help others. Think about someone you know who has had a huge impact in your life. Were they perfect? I doubt it. Why are they impactful for you? When I think of all those who have impacted me, not one of them isn’t cracked in some way. They grew from something and their lives have changed me for the better. Just think of where you could be in one, five, ten years. You may be impacting someone to heal in the same beautiful way you have.

Mary Oliver is one of my favorite poets. She writes:

“Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift.”

Don’t ever be ashamed of feeling cracked. All one can do is sit up, assess the damage, and with fierce self-love, start to put herself back together again. You deserve the work that will take and you deserve how much better you will be for it.

In With The New

Posted on by wholeselfnm

Happy New Year! I find the New Year to be an exciting time for most people. It’s a time of reflection and hope for new things to come. For years, I have not made New Year’s resolutions; rather, I have set intentions. Last year’s intention was “Presence”–this is a daily challenge for me as I’m so often looking to the future. Even after this intention is completed with the end of 2017, I will try consistently at remaining in the now and enjoying who and what is right in front of me.

I love to journal and encourage everyone I know to do so as well. I was talking to my sister about this just today and what is so great about it is that it helps make what is swimming around in your head tangible. It makes it easier to say “this is what I’m feeling, this is where I am”. In getting myself ready for 2018, I spent time today journaling about what was great in 2017 and what hard but valuable lessons I’ve learned from the not-so-great. Personally, I learned that when I live my life afraid of what could happen, I am not able to experience what is happening. I learned that I have to remain mindful of my self-care and that I love myself and deserve the time and energy it takes to be fiercely loving toward myself. I often (and sometimes too much, according to them) ask my loved ones and clients “how are you taking care of yourself?” I want to ask myself that more often from this point forward.

With 2017 on its way out, it’s time to set an intention for 2018. When journaling today, the word finally came to me: FEARLESSNESS. 2018 is the year to live my life without fear. I have been asked by my therapist what it would mean to be truly brave. I’m so excited to say it’s time to find out.

What’s your intention for this year? What are your plans to live according to a word or phrase that excites and inspires you? I cannot wait to see what 2018 brings me! I would love to help you figure out what 2018 can mean to you as well.

Happy New Year! Here’s to a fearless 2018.